“Limit the time spent on social media, but instead redirect that attention to yourself” – says Anya Pogorelova, psychologist and psychotherapist, graduate of the National Union of Psychotherapist of Ukraine in Gestalt therapy. In the interview, we explore the psychological aspects of using social media and their impact on our self-esteem.

To begin: what is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how we evaluate ourselves.In general, we are born with self-worth but do not have self-esteem. We acquire it through those around us: parents, teachers, and people we consider authorities. In order to evaluate ourselves, we need this evaluation criterion. For example, in school, it’s grades.

Is self-esteem and self-worth the same thing?

No.Self-worth is the value we have by virtue of our existence. Self-esteem, on the other hand, can be adjusted throughout life, sometimes being too low, sometimes too high, but it’s important to strive for balance.

What are the signs of these three types of self-esteem?

Overinflated self-esteem – when a person does not accept criticism, does not accept other opinions, and lacks equality in relationships. Low self-esteem – when a person perceives themselves only through the eyes of others, evaluating themselves only through the prism of others. They lack inner support. And normal self-esteem – when a person sees themselves in accordance with the situation at hand. For example, if I cannot run a marathon without preparation like an Olympic champion, and my self-esteem is normal, I can evaluate myself realistically, understanding that I’m not prepared enough and that’s okay. I don’t have exaggerated expectations.

Until what age is self-esteem formed?

I think self-esteem is formed throughout life. How I am as a mother, wife, grandmother, or friend can change how I perceive myself and my self-esteem.

Do social media have an impact on self-esteem, and what are the manifestations of this?

Yes, they do.It’s like two sides of the same coin. The impact can be both negative and positive. When a person spends too much time on social media and struggles with self-esteem, they may start to feel like they are “not enough.” Media can also carry a lot of negative context and content, which affects a person’s stress tolerance. Unrealistic standards of beauty, life, and ideals can lead to low self-esteem as well.

From what age is our psyche prepared for using social media?

I’m sure this is very individual. I would recommend as late as possible.

Why?

There is no clear psychological age, except for very young children, when their psyche is still forming. For example, cartoons can disturb the nervous system because a child is unable to process constant flashing. It’s important to follow age restrictions.

Why do we often compare ourselves with others on social media?

Comparison with others on social media often stems from unstable self-esteem. People frequently seek validation of their worth by focusing on idealized images of others. Social media tends to showcase only the best moments of life, which can create the impression that others are living better. This leads to feelings of inadequacy when our own lives don’t seem to match those standards.

Can it be developed consciously?

Of course, with a psychotherapist and daily exercises.

What exercises would you recommend as the top 3 for low and high self-esteem ?

I would recommend at first keeping a gratitude journal for yourself. Second is to give yourself compliments every dayand third ask yourself every day: “What do I truly want?” It can be anything, like “Do I want tea or coffee?” Honestly, I haven’t encountered people with inflated self-esteem in therapy. But I would suggest noticing whether you are able to accept other opinions or if you think you are always right. If you notice this, try shifting your mindset from “I am always right” to “I listen and understand your point of view.” Make it your goal to ask questions and listen to others, even when you are confident in your own right.

Can social media provoke anxiety and what are the first signs that media are negatively affecting your self-esteem and overall well-being?

Yes. Signs that media are starting to negatively affect your self-esteem and overall well-being can include a dependency on social media – when you constantly reach for your phone and can’t imagine a day without scrolling. You may also start comparing yourself to others, and instead of feeling motivated, these comparisons lead to anxiety, stress, or sadness. A persistent feeling of “not enough” can appear – as if you’re not pretty enough, smart enough, resourceful, or ambitious enough. Even though you’re actively using social media, a sense of loneliness might grow. This happens because online interactions often lack real emotional connection, creating an illusion of closeness that only deepens the inner emptiness and worsens your self-esteem.

What would you recommend to people who feel emotionally drained after browsing social media?

I would honestly recommend to limit the time spent on social media, but instead redirect that attention to yourself. Ask yourself: “What do I want? How can I take care of myself?”

Do you find this topic especially relevant now, or do people seem to be distancing themselves more from media?

I notice that it’s becoming more relevant, and unfortunately, the negative impact often prevails, perhaps because of my profession. But I’m confident and know that there are many advantages.

What are the benefits of consuming media?

Media can be an entertaining form of content, a tool for relieving emotional stress. It can be useful for consuming content. When you learn something new, your self-esteem typically rises or strengthens. It’s like giving yourself a rating, saying “I learned this.” It can inspire and provide more motivation for new achievements. You can see something that confirms your competence. A confirmation that you know and can do something.

How can we make social media use more mindful?

You need to really look at and understand what you’re watching, consume content that aligns with your interests, and be selective about what you consume.

In your opinion, what does the future hold for us in terms of social media and mental health?

In the future, social media could become more beneficial for mental health thanks to growing awareness. People are starting to better understand their emotions and speak more openly about their struggles. This can help transform social media into a space for support, where we not only share our successes but also find emotional connection and encouragement. An important step will be the development of ethical standards and content moderation, so that social media no longer harms us, but instead helps us stay in harmony with ourselves.

What personally helps you maintain balance in the digital age?

I can say that I don’t have experience with balance because I don’t use social media and am not dependent on it, but I see this as both an advantage and a disadvantage.

Autor: Sofia Salnykova
Zdjęcie: Paweł Czerwiński/Unsplash